Epic Heroes

Epic Heroes

Every good epic has equally epic (or legendary) heroes. A few examples in Greek Mythology were: Achilles, Hercules, and Midas. These are their stories.


Achilles was the son of the king of the Myrmidons and a Nereid (basically a nymph). The Myrmidons were powerful and brave warriors, and his mother dipped him into the River Styx when he was just a baby to make him invulnerable.

Unfortunately, this plan had one tiny flaw. The child's mother held him by his heel to dip him into the river, and this made Achilles' heel his only vulnerability. That wasn't so serious because an arrow in the heel isn't such a big deal.

When Achilles was just 9 years old, his mother heard from an oracle that he would die in a war against the Trojans, so she disguised him as a girl and sent him to the island of Skyros. However, Achilles was destined to be a warrior, so he left the island and joined the Greek Army.

Later, the Greek Army went to war with the Trojans because the King of Sparta's wife, Helen, was kidnapped by the Trojan prince, Paris.

During the Trojan War, Achilles does many heroic things, like killing many Trojans, killing Hector, another prince of Troy, and dragging his body around the city and throwing it onto a garbage pile… Yeah… Very heroic.

Finally, Paris (that coward!) no-scopes Achilles' heel with a poison arrow. The arrow was evidently guided by Apollo (or Paris was an outstanding sniper), and Achilles keels over on the floor and dies.

THE END (why wasn't Achilles wearing proper shoes?!)


Hercules was the son of Zeus and Alcmene, who was the great-granddaughter of Perseus, another of Zeus' sons. When Hercules was just a wee lad, Hera got mad on the fact that he even existed. First, she made sure that he wouldn't become the prince of the Mycenaean kingdom, and then she sent two snakes to kill Hercules.

The snakes didn't work, and the baby Hercules strangled them. When Hercules was an adult and got married, Hera drove him insane, making him kill his wife and children.

To pay penance for this massacre, Hercules had to do 12 “Heroic Deeds” for the king of the Mycenaean Kingdom, who was named Eurystheus and was feeble and cowardly.

The first deed was for Hercules to kill a lion that was terrorizing the people of Nemea. Hercules strangled it (what is up with this guy and strangling things) and ended up wearing its skin for the rest of his life.

The rest of the deeds included: killing a hydra; capturing a boar; driving away carnivorous birds; capturing a bull, stealing some guy's man-eating horses; stealing the Amazon Queen's belt; stealing another person's six-legged cattle; stealing some of Hera's golden apples; and finally stealing Hades' dog.

After these heroic actions (mostly robberies), he spent the rest of his life doing… whatever heroes do in their spare time. After he died, he went to Valhalla ahem… Mount Olympus to be with the gods.



Midas was the foolish and greedy king of Phrygia. One day, he met a satyr in the woods. Not just your normal plebeian satyr, no, this satyr was Dionysus' best buddy, named Silenus.

For his kindness, Silenus gave Midas one wish, and Midas wished that anything he touched turned to gold. Silenus gave Midas that power, and the king started running around, making everything he wanted into gold.

Unfortunately, all of Midas' food turned to gold, so he became hungry. He asked Silenus how to get rid of his powers, so the satyr told him to go and wash in the Pactolus River. He took a bath in the river and lived happily ever after.

THE END (well, not really because Midas is now in Fortnite so…)